Partner Betrayal Trauma

Thank you for reviewing my website. If you are suffering from discovering or being told that your partner has sexually betrayed you, I am sure that you feel as if your life has been turned upside down. You might feel as if you have been hit with a tornado, and you’re wondering what to do next. I want you to know there is hope and healing. I will walk with you as you discover what is most important to you as you engage in your healing journey. There are several recommendations that I will give right away: (i) if you don’t feel physically safe, please secure your safety; (ii) do not search and seek for more information. This will only increase your traumatic reaction; (iii) try to establish or re-establish a healthy routine as possible, and try not to make any major life decisions for the next 6 months.

Most importantly, find a therapist who is trained in affair recovery and work with partners of sexual betrayal. My work with partners is informed by Stephanie Carnes, Mari Lee, Bessel van de Kolk, Frances Sharpio, Marsha Means, and many more professionals who are doing this type of life-giving work in the field. Learning self-regulation skills to address the triggers that you might experience from the discovery is one of the first set of skills that is needed. I will work with you to find emotional regulation skills that will help you regulate throughout the day. Working on what makes you feel safe and identifying negotiable and non-negotiable boundaries are also important. Couples therapy is recommended after full-disclosure.

Clinical full disclosure is a structural process that is led by a trained mental health professional. In full disclosure, truth is the foundation, emotional impact is stated and emotional restitution becomes the thrust of the commitment to rebuilding trust. It is extremely important that this process is guided by trained professionals so that if recovery of the relationship is the desire for both people involved there is healing and hope.

As you engage the work, you will find that your thoughts will become clearer and you will start to feel healthier. The darkness will turn to light and you will return to a stronger sense of yourself. I look forward to walking with you on this wonderful journey of healing.

Source: Carnes, P., 2015, Facing the Shadow, Gentle Path, Carefree, AZ

Source: Carnes, S., Lee, M., and Rodriguez, 2012, Facing Heart Break, Gentle Path, Carefree, AZ

Source: M. Means, 2014, Healing; Joy, A Circle of Joy Press, San Carlos, New Mexico

Source: Sharpio, F., 2012, Getting Past Your Past: take control of your life with self-help techniques, Rodale NY

Source: Steffens, B. and Means, M., 2009, Your Sexually Addicted Spouse, New Horizon Press, New Jersey

Source: van der Kolk, B., 2014, The Body Keeps the Score, Penguin Books, New York, New York